Before the Sun

Waking up before the sun has been one of the most freeing things that I NEVER thought would happen. After years of fighting the early wake up call gave in and told the Lord that if waking up early was going to help me be less stressed, more focused and ready to deal with my kids for the rest of the day then would He please wake me up because all of my efforts were not working. I am so pleased to say that every morning this week He has opened my eyes at 5:50am. One of those mornings I went back to sleep and I definitely saw how irritable I was by about 7am when my kids were up and ready for their drinks and b'fast.

I have been coming downstairs making hot tea, cozying up in my fleece blanket and meditating on the Word of God. I write in my journal, have soft music playing(sometimes) and blow my nose about a thousand times. Have I mentioned I have been sick for three weeks-sigh! By about 7am I put on my workout clothes and for 30minutes I get my body in shape with Denise Austin. The way I feel when I get done and my children start to stir is more then worth the time I could have been asleep. I hope this is not a short lived freedom. My mom has been doing this for years and I believe it is one of the main reasons our family has made it this far. My parents will celebrate their 30th anniversary this year and mom will turn 50! They still love one another and us five kids so much. Her steadiness throughout the years in her faith and marriage is attributed to the time she was quiet and prayerful in the morning.

Lessons I have learned this year- Part 2

As I started to spend time with the Lord daily through the Bible, prayer and meditation I started to see clearly through these new eyes He had given me. It took me quite a while to believe that loving my husband and loving my kids was enough for Him. You mean to tell me God that if I just love my man and spend time with my kids that I will please you?? More then please Him I felt like it erupted a joy and laughter from his gut that only these type of simple disciplines could bring. I started to see that I was getting to something a lot deeper then I had originally planned.
If any of you know me, I can perform like nobody's business. I can put on a show and take the stage with no problem. Speak, sing , prophesy, dance, pray, give me a mic and I am good to go. Need a leader to get a crowd going, I am your woman. Herein lies the problem! I went to a Beth Moore simulcast and I really didn't think I was going for any particular reason until I was on my face crying my eyes out. He, in His faithfulness, showed me that the pit I was in was lined in wallpaper with my face all over it. I was so consumed with my abilities that I actually thought it was my own goodness that had caused the Lord to want to save me!! Imagine that. I was lost as the day is long and He has been so good to expose my heart and clean me up. He revealed to me that He led me to this road of just me and Him so that I can see it is ONLY HIM that can save this wretched soul! It is not by anything my hands could have done. It is only by the Precious blood of Jesus, that while I was still a sinner Christ died for me. In that moment I just wept! I got up off the floor and since then I have seen myself and others differently. I am now seeing through eyes of one who has been humbled by His great mercy(unmerited favor) towards me.

****I am so thankful for that day. In the days to come you will read of ways my relationships have changed because of that wonderful encounter with my Lord and Savior

Lessons I have learned this year-Part 1

I was sitting here this afternoon and I started to get that feeling. You know, the one that happens around this time every year and you look around and you can't believe that it is only three months until December. You take a breath and you wonder where the year has gone. I started thinking back trying to remember what we had done and more importantly what I had learned. The list could go on about things I had gone through, but to sit back and think about what I had learned and what I was now doing differently in my life because of it? There are , like I said, a list of things I think I should do different but there are a few things I have definitely learned this year that I AM doing. Some of these things I have learned have a lot to do with seeing. Seeing my God, people, my husband, my church, my friends and myself. It all started when I asked the Lord to take me deeper into the things of God. I, in asking this, thought it might be an experience with the Lord that helped me feel different and in return I enjoyed being with Him more. I also thought it would just magically happen and one day I would just know and see things through His eyes and not mine. Well, as in all things pertaining to life and godliness it doesn't quite work out the way my finite mind had planned. Even now as I am pondering what to say next I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God that He doesn't do things the way I plan it. Praise Him forevermore the maker of Heaven and Earth.
OK, so in January after much debate with God, I sensed that He was asking me to lay down all types of service to the church. I was VERY involved and had a difficult time saying NO. I was also tired from the holiday season and giving what energy I did have to the church, my kids, exercise class and then my husband. Does that seem a little out of order to you?? So except for every other Wed. night taking care of the kids(because two of mine are in that class) I stopped it all and it was the death of me! Larry will tell you I struggled every time there was a need in the church. Every time that the nursery worker didn't show up. Every time that one of my friend's would talk to me about their frustrations and how just a little bit of help would do so much. It was the death to any part of me that would please people for their acceptance of me. I was so trapped in my way of pleasing people that when these things I did were torn away I wasn't sure my friends liked me any more and I constantly doubted that they wanted me around. To top it all off I didn't have any way to prove to God that I was worth something to Him, that I was a good christian, doing what I was supposed to and that was why I was blessed. Anything that I presented to God, as a means for Him to love me and think so wonderfully of me, was gone and it came down to just me and Him. Me and Him, and He was telling me that He loved me and was pleased with me. WHY Lord?? I am not doing a thing for you right now. All I do is take care of my kids, love my husband, and go to church. Right then, He started to open my eyes and I have not seen the same since.

***** I have decided to stop here for today and continue to write about this in the days to come. I am being touched all over again by the Spirit of God as I write and He is encouraging me about what He has taught me over the last nine months

Lessons I'm learning through my children-Part 1

The Splinter~

This has been an incredible ordeal. Katherine, who is 2 yrs. old, loves to go around barefoot. It has been this way since she learned how to take off her socks in the carseat while we were driving. We usually keep her socks and shoes in the car because she NEVER wears them in the house.

Now, here is where it began- It was Sunday about two weeks ago when we decided to grill out. The weather has been wonderful here and we like to get outside as much as we can. Larry was sweeping the deck, Evan was riding his car, and Katherine, barefoot, was running around outside. All of the sudden I hear the scream that most mom's dread and Larry was carrying Katherine into the kitchen with blood spilling off of her foot. Oh God!! What happened and where is Evan??

45 minutes later we had removed a tiny part of a splinter and my sweet girl was beside herself over the torture of it. If any of you have children you know the ordeal I just experienced. Extreme fear in my little one because she knows something hurts in her foot but she doesn't know what it is and why mommy has to use a metal thing(tweezers) to get it out. With a bandaid on and the cool breeze of the deck I just held her and told her I loved her. I also said "Baby, mommy has to get the splinter out because if I don't, it could get infected and hurt worse, I know it hurt and you didn't like it but I did it because I love you." Ok! I can hear the Spirit of the Lord ministering to my heart at this point because He is saying to me"That's right, I love you and I want to take care of things in you before they hurt you too!" I just sat there loving my baby and letting the love of God pour over me. I Imagined Him pulling me into His embrace and letting me know He loves me and he exposes things in me that can harm me because he loves me. He knows what areas, in my life, left unattended could could do to me.

As the days went by I could see that the splinter was still in there. I told Katherine and we asked God to help it come out. The next morning she came into the kitchen screaming and I could see the tip trying to push it's way out. Through many tears again and a struggle that I had no idea could come out of my little baby we ended up pulling a 1 inch splinter out of her foot that day. We thanked God that he helped push the tip out and she still has bruising and cleaning that has to be done daily because of how deep it was. Two weeks later we still have to clean and watch the area. This again speaks to my heart about wounds that we have and carry around with us from people or events in our lives. The splinter might be out(the deed done) but if we don't care for our wounds properly they could hurt us even worse. I am choosing to go to God with my heart and ask Him to show me areas that I haven't let him treat(wounds from a friend, offense, unmet expectaions). These are areas that I have tried to just take care of on my own (or ignore) have now gotten infected and cause a limp in my walk. It even effects the way I see God and other people because I don't want to get hurt again.

My prayer for us today is that in our fear and pain we sit and let the Holy Spirit show us areas that He wants to cleanse and heal. He draws us to this place because He loves us. He knows all that we can be and all of the lives that could be touched by our wholeness and wellness in Him.