Being Authentic

There will come a day when I am glad that I have written out the thoughts that are rolling around in my mind. I am preparing to go ashore a new land. I took a visit to this shore a couple of months ago and enjoyed the scenery, the way it felt, and the thrill of trying something new. I have since decided it is a place I would like to have a home in and for now it will be a second home of sorts.

I am going ashore the land of public speaking. It is something that I doubt I am worthy of, I am afraid I will do really well in, and I enjoy in ways that feel almost guilty. There are few things I know for sure about myself, but this area is one of them. I was made to be in front of people and share a message that touches their hearts and helps improve their lives! Last fall it was a message about my personal journey of overcoming the voices that told me who I was and discovering that they lied! I continually work through this area of my thoughts in deeper levels and today is one of them.

Today, I start the countdown to an event I will be apart of at the end of July. It is just 6 weeks until a small conference room will be welcoming men and women to hear from me on subjects that I have said I know enough about that I can fill 45 minutes plus Q & A for 15! I am getting nervous. I have been preparing. I do know a lot about what I am going to be talking about, but I am getting that sick to my stomach feeling. I am battling the doubts and I am preparing by listening to some of my favorite speakers. I am replaying the topic choices over and over trying to make sure I know my stuff. I fear someone asking a question I don't know an answer to, or better yet telling me I am wrong and it didn't work for her/him they way it did for me. Since I am tackling topics like, chores around the house, teaching your children through play, and Bible memorization, I battle thoughts. Thoughts about what would people do if they saw my toilet...yesterday. Or heard me talk to my oldest...this morning. Not to mention the word I used when my middle child almost fell out of a tree the other day. They would walk out that door never to believe another word out of my mouth. But then I pick up one of the authors that I recently found and I realize I am normal and people need to hear from normal people. Brene Brown and her book The Gifts of Imperfection is mentoring me right into that conference room and onto that stage. Her research on shame, vulnerability and belonging is affirming me in ways I have only felt in my times of prayer or with a close friend. There is so much of what she is saying that is finding a home within my heart. I am so grateful for her commitment to do the research and be personally vulnerable about how her research changed her.

Now it is my turn to let the truth of her research change me. I am halfway through the book and the timing feels divine. I am having to ask myself why I feel these insecurities? What am I going to do with them? and Who can I trust to bear them with me as I go forth into the new venture? I am not going to be doing any ground breaking talk on something that no one has ever heard before. I am simply going to tell my story. And you know, that is really vulnerable. It is full of personal ways that I have failed and succeeded. I am going to present it before people I have never met and see on their faces their response. In that moment I will have to see their agreement, their reservations, and maybe their backs as they walk out the door. It is frightening, it is invigorating and I will do it!

My hope is that over the course of the next few weeks as I continue through Brene's book and prepare for the event, I will keep a journal of the fears, joys, and breakthroughs.

Truths about time gone by

Last night, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of ladies about an issue of the heart that so many people deal with-negative self talk. I had the ladies do an exercise at the end where we took a look at some of what we are saying to ourselves negatively and then asked the Lord to reveal truth. We had some time to search our hearts and I participated as well. An area that came to my mind was a lie that I say occasionally depending on the day, event or where we are in the school year, which is, "You are not very good at follow through, you can have a lot of good ideas, but when it comes down to finishing them well, you lack follow through." As we broke off into groups to pray for one another I didn't hear or see anything that said the opposite or encouraged me in any way. I figured I would probably need to spend some more time on it in my personal times of prayer and reflection. Waking up this morning, we went about our routine  day and I found myself having a heavy heart. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes as I was driving. Not really knowing why, I prayed aloud with the kids, turning my heart toward the things that I had to be grateful for, and trusted that it would come to me, in time. 
After class, I decided to check on my blog which I had not done in quite some time. It has taken a back seat to instagram, FB, and my recent decision to go back to school. I found something there that touched my heart and brought me to tears. I found evidence that clearly proved I do have follow through. I didn't have to scroll very far to find it. It was in those precious little faces that I spend every day with. Those little ones that I asked and dreamed about as a little girl. The evidence of time spent together, teaching them, creating with them, loving them, getting frustrated and saying I'm sorry to them and a host of other day to day events. I saw a husband by my side who is still by my side, because we have chosen to follow through for 10+ years to a commitment we made to one another. I write tonight with a  grateful heart that a lie has been exposed and the truth was made evident. 

Headwrap craft

Gina's Birthday!!

Friends came in from out of town to surprise Gina! Saji was one of them. We all met at La Madeline then headed to karaoke. We love us some karaoke. There is a great place close by that we go to periodically for a late night of singing our guts out and dancing!

 Sweet Pam. She and her husband are back from overseas and are pregnant. We have known her since she was single and believing God for her husband. Now she has both a hubby and a baby!

Tina and Kaboa came in for a surprise birthday visit

We love you Gina!

 My Man. I really like this photo of us.

 Nichole and Becca in the background

The boys. Who knows?!...its the music. It gets to us.

Gina who recently has moved towards vegetarian eating decided to indulge in a small burger ;)

Easter crafts

We don't know who had more fun. Nana and Aunt Dawn or the kids. It has been wonderful to have so much time with Aunt Dawn this year!

Making bird nests with butterscotch and robin's eggs

Our little Ninja's special Day

 He woke up and received his frist gift. A new ninja dress up outfit. He slept in it...but are you surprised?!

I asked Aunt Katie to help out with the party. She and I without discussing showed up in the same outift. But she has got all the right moves ;)

Most of the Turner family was able to be there at the last minute except Uncle Ret. But he made up for it with a very nice ninjago lego set that E has played with nonstop since.

Micah...Evan's Best friend!

 We had the kids go through a seried of challenges where they would earn different parts of their attire. We asked them all to come in as much black as possible. I bought some fabirc and ripped it into strips and that was what they earned for the first challenge.

3-legged race 

 Handsome Ninja. Soaking up the fact that it was all about him that day.

One of the challenges Daddy led. It was a climb up the spider rope. That is how they earned their headwrap.

Ethan was very happy!

Ethan's Mom, Jessica, is an amazing photographer. She took some of the photos from the party. She and her husband are trying to raise money for their adoption. They will come and take photos at your event then ask you to only donate what is on your heart towards their adoption. You can visit them at www.ourredthread.com 

Preparations for a Birthday

Evan decided on THE birthday theme and we had a great time as a family getting everything ready. First we got on Pinterest and he showed me all of the things he liked and from there we decided what was his favorite. He really liked the cake pops and the headwraps. I have to admit I talked him into the sushi ;)

We made our invitations. They each got to make a few and then I finished them up. This was an afternoon family project that really tried my patience. I would love to say I was just so happy that we were all working together and having fun but that would be a lie. I had to take a few breaks to the bathroom to look in the mirror and tell my self it doesn't have to be perfect. I even growled at one point when the front got glued to the back and then the glue got on more then one of our arms and we were starting to get pressed for time. So don't let all the happy faces fool you. We have to go through not so pretty to appreciate the good ...right ?!

Katherine made the rice krispies almost entirely by herself

After a trip to Joann's with coupons and three kids in tow...twice. We started the head wraps. I was so excited about this project. When we sat down to start I looked up on my phone some of the ninja symbols. Because of how thin the material was and how bright my phone was, we placed it under the wrap and traced with pencil onto each head wrap. This made it so easy for the kids to all get involved. This is the head wrap Evan made and I am being honest when I tell you I barely helped him. This was a hugely redemptive day after the fiasco of the invitations!

Finished sushi snack. Fruit roll ups, rice krispie and swedish fish :)

Daddy Day Hike

Amicalola Falls Day Hike

 Daddy and Katherine packed up PB and J, apples and chips and headed out. It was a beautiful Spring day that honestly was unseasonably warm. They went half way up but by the smiles on their faces you would have thought the had climbed the whole thing. Time with Daddy does their little hearts so good. Nothing was done like Momma would have done it and for that I think they become better.

 Tons of stairs I think over six hundred!

North Georgia

At the beginning of this year. Our brother and sister-in-law gave us their lakehouse to live in. We thought it would be for about two weeks. It ended up being 3 months! They were very gracious and let us stay rent free! We had a beautiful surrounding, no internet, tv and very limited access to all of our friends and family. At times it was difficult. Especially when the quiet seemed to close in around me. I had to choose to take the time to sit, be quiet and journal. I think journaling is a double edged sword. It helps you get out what is on the inside but then you have proof of all that  is going on, on the inside and its not always pleasant. My time up at the lakehouse gave me many times where I had to take a hard look in the mirror. God was faithful and just like he did when he walked the earth, he sent his Holy Spirit to comfort and speak truth to my heart. All in all I am so grateful for the time away.

 I think the kids favorite part was renting redbox from Kroger and snuggling to watch movies on the laptop. We even had a lady from our House church stay the night and the next morning they all sat on the futon and watched Kung Fu Panda 2.  We did school, took walks and built legos. We tried the library...no good :( Where we lived before had an amazing library network. It was very disappointing for us the only day we went while up there. Some afternoons Larry would take the kids to the park and one day he saw this sight and stopped. The kids ran around while he got some great shots.